Keep a Child Alive

In His Own Words: Selwyn’s Story

Selwyn is a patient at Keep a Child Alive’s Blue Roof Wellness Centre in Durban, South Africa. The clinic has empowered so many patients to share their skills at the clinic, and spread the word in the community about the HIV/AIDS services available. We are proud to share Selwyn’s story with you today, in his own words.

How can you be negative when your blood is positive?

My name is Selwyn. I am 47 years old and currently residing in Durban, South Africa. I am employed as a pipe fitter working on maintenance at the Engen Refinery in Wentworth, Durban.

I had been living in the Gauteng Province for about three years when I undertook to visit my parents, who I had not seen in about two years. My parents lived in Durban. On arriving in Durban my parents were happy to see me but was startled at my condition. On awakening the following morning, my mom let me know in no uncertain terms that she had made an appointment for me at her doctor for a full medical with great interest on me taking an HIV test. I had been dreading this because of things that had happening to my body like loss of weight, darkening of complexion, hair starting to thin, inflamed gums, teeth loosing, dry skin, loss of energy and very very sleepy.

On the 9th November 2007, I very reluctantly went for the test and was told to be back on the 10th for my lab results. On the 10th I made every kind of excuse to avoid going for my results. On the 11th I was awoken by Mom and told that I needed to retrieve my results so that we could plan the way forward. On arriving at the GP surgery I was put through the procedure of counseling that was the longest ten minutes of my life. My parents raised me by encouraging me to be positive. I was not prepared for the negative of being positive. How could a positive result leave one feeling so negative?

I went back home where all were waiting for me, informed them of my results and we all cried. I don’t know why I cried because I had been living dangerously in my past…. been there, done that, got the tee shirt and now the virus. My past had come back to HAUNT me. Never say never! …. Crying help, prayer helps. Both crying and praying opened up our eyes to reality and to our next action plan. Note that it is not my plan but our plan. You cannot make it alone, you will die.

It was then decided that my cousin Delarise had to be contacted and told that we were coming in to see her due to my condition. Delarise has extensive knowledge and experience in counseling people that are either infected or families that are affected by a loved one’s status. I came out of there encouraged. I returned to Johannesburg where I had my CD4 count was done. I at that time did not fully understand the importance of the CD4 count. My CD4 count returned as 28. I now know of people that have died with a count much higher than mine. The clinic did not advise me of ARV’s. I didn’t know that I was a dead man walking. I contacted Delarise and informed her of my CD4 count.

I was broke, unemployed, weak and HIV positive. I looked at all of these negatives and took the decision that the only positive was not one that I wanted. I removed my gun from my safe, wrote my letter, put one bullet in the chamber and put the gun to my head. My daughter Sade’s face flashed through my mind and she was saying “Daddy Don’t”. She does not live with me but I saw her clearly on that day, and I cried like a baby. I sobbed, I wailed, I bawled, I prayed and I slept.

My cell phone awoke me the next morning indicating that there was a message from my mom. The message read “come home immediately, drop everything”. I checked the time 4:30am and I prayed. I did not know that Delarise had informed my parents that if I did not return immediately I would return in a box. I went around to all my friends and informed them that I was going back home to die. We cried … crying helps, prayer helps.

On my arrival in Durban, Delarise advised me on which hospital I should attend. The hospital HIV/AIDS unit was overflowing by the time I was seen to it was now afternoon. I was informed that I should return the following week. I contacted Delarise to inform her. She then informed me of the Blue Roof Clinic. I told her that I was tired and would go there the next day but she informed me in a firm but gentle manner that I should go there immediately. I proceeded very reluctantly to go there as I thought it was long queues again.

I arrived at the Blue Roof Clinic and was attended to immediately, and was informed that I should be tested for Tuberculosis the following day, even though I did not have a cough, was counseled on medication, and was TB free. I started on ARV’s on the 10th December 2007, and have experienced absolutely no side effects.

I had relatives and good friends who could not recognize me because of my condition. I had to identify myself to them and they would look at me dumbstruck. My CD4 count is now 245 and my viral load is 25 meaning undetectable. One of the first questions that people ask you on finding out about your status is. “Where did you get it from?” My answer to that is that one should not focus on that, but focus on recovery. If your vehicle had a puncture, are you going to waste your time trying to find out why, or are you going to repair the puncture?

I believe that once you have discovered your status you develop a seventh sense. You can read body language from a mile away. A month after starting treatment I started working again. After 2 weeks on the job I decided to inform my boss as to my status and also to inform him that I was going to inform all the guys in our morning safety meeting. He was at first shocked, but I made him understand it was all about safety. He agreed and said that it was my choice. He also said that if ever I needed anything that I should pick up the phone and call him. I have on two occasions phoned him not for help, but he left me with the feeling that he would be going for an HIV test because of speaking to me on the phone. Must be my seventh sense.

People tell me that I am brave for disclosing my status. I tell them that the brave are dead. They took the secret to the grave. They left behind little children who cannot fend for themselves and families that are telling people that “OH he died of cancer or sugar diabetes or a heart attack”. Even tuberculosis is dodgy these days. That brave person could be alive today. I am alive and so can you. Our South African press has been very quick to praise some of our leaders who have admitted after their children have died, that it was because of the HIV virus. They are the ones that are allowing the stigma to ferment, and the ignorance to continue.

I would like to give all praise and thanks to God for his daily grace upon my life and his keeping power. Thanks to my parents, children. siblings, family, work mates and strangers who approach me in the street. To Beryl, my wife, who is part of my life and accepted me as I am even though she is negative. I can’t say if I would have done that for you, I salute your courage. To all the wonderful staff at the Blue Roof Clinic who treat with dignity, your unobliging spirit has not gone unnoticed. Our country is being ravaged by this HIV/AIDS pandemic and the main cause of this is ignorance and stigma. I am hoping the new leadership of our country takes heed of this clarion call from a nation that is being decimated.

You can help keep more people like Selwyn alive. Give $5 Text “ALIVE” to 90999.

A one-time $5 donation is charged to your wireless bill or deducted from your prepaid balance. Donations collected by the MGF. 4 info call 866-810-1203 or goto hMGF.org/t. Standard rates may apply. Text STOP to 90999 to cancel ; HELP to 90999 for help.